Faith (_xfaithx_) wrote in iftomorrow,

  • Mood:

I don't know what's worth fighting for.

The long white fistwrap tightened around my clenched hand and I glared at the heavy bag hanging from its iron post as though it were challenging me. The silent words it used to taunt me, though, came from voices in my own pretty lil' head. Spike's, Soulboy's, even fuckin' B.. it was like they were all swirlin' into one big circle jerk. "Fuck!" I hissed when I slammed a fist against the hard cushion which turned out to be the same hand I punched the wall with. It fuckin' hurt let me tell you, but it made the whole workout more intense. Pretty fuckin' wicked. The music I had blarin' from the radio sure didn't help the scene.

I began kickin' and punchin' away like there was goin' be no tomorrow for me and that THIS was gonna be the only method I had to get the fustrations out of me. As the workout stretched my mind lingered more, wonderin' exactly where the hell I was going. The look Soulboy gave me when I arrived in the hotel was pasted in my head like a pretty little polaroid and I pushed myself harder.. the moistoned sweat already buildin' all over my form.

Good thing I made a small retreat. Had to have a little time to myself to get my thoughts back together. I was one confused bitch with issues and that's somethin' that won't help everyone kick The First's ass. In fact, I think that's what made 'im get me. Yeah, that was fuckin' it. I gave the bastard that opportunity the moment I saw him wear Woody's face and let the emotions take control over me. I really needed to learn some self control.

I had to get ahold of myself so I stopped to regain my breath, my eyes waverin' over the radio which was now playin' "Easier To Run" by Linkin Park. Hilarious. Half the songs I was able to hear from them basically described my life, the entire mess I'm in. It'd be easier to ditch this joint and head my merry own way.. didn't understand what was stoppin' me. What WAS stopping me?

That's when I saw the amulet. Same one good ol' Willy popped out of.

A sigh left my lips and I shook my head, returnin' back to my workout when I felt the emotions pump through me again. Don't know what the hell was goin' on with that. I guess Spike was right in a way, I didn't know what the hell I wanted. It was nice for once to just be accepted by someone who didn't know much about the messy trails I had behind me... fuck, right now, it was just nice to be with someone period. Yet again, I still feel like I'm livin' within B's shadow. How'm I supposed to know who he was thinkin' of while we were doin' the horizontal mambo?

Did I care if he did or not? I don't know. I still don't like the idea though I'm always second place when it comes to her.. maybe that's what gettin' to me. Yeah, that's it. A breath was takin' in as I realized I was only confusin' myself more. Great.. fuckin'.. dandy. I was one hell of a piece of work.

The wounds upon my fist were beginning to open again but I really didn't give a shit.. I think the pain upon it was the only reminder to me that I was still real.

(( Open to anyone. Whoo angst! ))
  • Post a new comment


    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic